Halloween At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I decided to use some of the money I won from the poker club at the Birch Street Nursing Home on Saturday to buy some Halloween candy as a surprise for the patients. They certainly were surprised to see me, and wondered if it was already Saturday again. I assured them that it was Monday, and handed them the taffy and gummy worms. It was a good thing I decided to stop by, because the head nurse had given the staff the holiday off, and none of the patients had eaten or gotten their medication. But I couldn't stay too long, because I had to get back to Winsome Headquarters to celebrate Grandmother's birthday.

A Halloween Tip From Edward

A warning for those going out on Halloween: Not everyone who is dressed as a school girl is actually a school girl, or even a girl, for that matter.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

What an eventful day at the Birch Street Nursing Home! First I finished my laboratory experiment, and I am happy to report it was a success. My last test subject did not burst into flames. When I went upstairs, the poker club was on a bathroom and medication break, so I used the time to decorate the activity room for Halloween. The bag of skeletons in the basement sure did come in handy. Though at one point I had to wrestle one of the larger bones away from Sniffles The Eighth. When everyone came back from the bathroom, they were excited to see the decorations. And before the end of the afternoon, I won a big hand with four queens. Mrs. Henley said she was glad to have me back at the poker table even though I won all her money. Mrs. Lieberman then asked me if I had another experiment to get to.

A Halloween Tip From Jane

Not every man in a scary mask who pulls his car alongside you is celebrating Halloween.

Edward's Trunk-Or-Treat Halloween Tips

A few years ago an associate of mine came up with a novel idea which he called "Trunk-Or-Treat," and surprisingly it has caught on. Now several churches offer their parking lots for the event each year. The concept is simple. Hang a few Halloween decorations on your car, and fill the open trunk with candy to draw in the young children. It couldn't be easier. Parents actually drop off their children, thinking that asking for candy in a church parking lot is safer for them than going door to door. 

Just keep these few tips in mind: 

• Place some of the Halloween decorations so that your license plate number is covered. 
• Put the large-size candies far enough into your trunk that the children have to climb in to get them. 
• Be sure to have your car pointing out toward the street for a quick and easy exit.

A Halloween Tip From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, if you've been in the stores lately, you've probably noticed the increase in the price of candy. It's much too expensive to just hand out to random children. But if you still want to be involved in the holiday, go through your garage where you might find some leftover candy from previous holidays. Also, look under those couch cushions. You'd be surprised how many mints and cough drops you'll find there. Other places to check include coat pockets, your carry-on luggage, those old purses you were thinking of tossing, the glove box of your car, and your neighbor's house if you happen to visit. I'm sure with enough hunting, you'll be able to put together a dish of candy without spending a dollar.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, take the time to properly dispose of your evidence. Covering it with a sheet of cardboard, a couple of sticks and one small concrete block is just not going to cut it.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I am running low on test subjects in my laboratory in the Birch Street Nursing Home. Rather than risk harming the last couple, or bothering Grandmother about getting more, I asked Mr. Matthews if he'd be willing to let me rub my new potion on his arm. He willingly came down to the basement with me, but soon ran back upstairs screaming and holding his arm before I could even put out the flames. It looks like I have a little more work to do.

Fanny Mail: News From Tanya Platt

Kiddies, today I received another email from longtime fan Tanya Platt of Lawton, Oklahoma. As you'll recall, Tanya has been keeping me updated about her job at her local newspaper, where her first assignment was writing obituaries. Today Tanya writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, though I enjoyed covering quilting bees, demolition derbies and store openings, I felt I was ready for something bigger. Well, I finally got a newspaper assignment that required real investigative journalism. It was covering the increase in statewide bicycle theft. My investigation took me all over the state. And just when I thought I'd learned the identities of four of the men involved, there was some unexpected drama when all four were shot and dismembered. So I ended up writing four more obituaries. I did, however, find the bicycles the men had stolen. I wiped them clean and returned them to their owners."

Good job, Sweetie! I am sure those bicycle owners were happy to get their property back.

In The Pocket

Kiddies, thanks to some timely concussions and other injuries, I had an excellent weekend betting on football. I wonder who will be injured next week.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today I spent most of the time in the basement of the Birch Street Nursing Home, working on my new experiment. When I went upstairs in the early afternoon to get some of the rope that Crystal left behind, Mrs. Henley said she was missing me at the poker table. I promised her that I'd be done with this experiment before Halloween, then rushed back to the basement before the test subject could break any more of my equipment.

Fanny Mail: Another Perspective On Baby Boxes

Kiddies, I just received another email regarding those baby drop-off boxes. Pete Dugan of Anson, Maine writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I have enjoyed reading the Fanny Mail regarding baby drop-off boxes. Well, I am the fire chief here in town, and I thought you might want to hear my perspective. Years ago, when people left unwanted puppies at the fire station, they became the property of the fire department. These days we're not getting as many Dalmatians as we used to, but because of the recent baby drop-off program, we are getting some unwanted children. The ones old enough to crawl have come in handy when we are trying to get into tight spaces to search for survivors. But even the youngest, most helpless baby is good for morale around here, making us laugh with its funny noises. Whoever thought of this program has our thanks."

Sweetie, it's so good to hear from someone on the receiving end of these babies. I'm glad to know they're being put to good use.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today I spent most of the day down in the Birch Street Nursing Home basement. Grandmother suggested that before I jump into the main experiment, which will probably use up all my test subjects, I should do a short pilot project. That way, I can get a little practice filling out the case report forms, and also be certain that I have all the necessary chemicals and that my tools are sharp enough. So that's what I did today.

Fanny Mail: A Message From Indonesia

Kiddies, I am delighted that Grandmother's Fanny Game is popular around the globe. Today I got an email from a fan in Indonesia, Wawan Widodo. Wawan writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I was just released from the hospital where I was treated for head injuries. Recently I was at a soccer match, and there was a bit of trouble. Suddenly everyone started rushing out of the stadium. What happened was that a rumor began to circulate that a new Grandmother's Fanny Game blog post had gone up, and because the internet service at the stadium was spotty at best, all your fans were eager to get to the town's internet cafe to read your new post. Just wanted to let you know that you are loved here in Indonesia."

Thank you, Wawan! It is always a pleasure to learn just how far word has spread.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, although helpful, flood waters and alligators are not completely reliable for making evidence disappear.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This week Grandmother gave me a few fresh test subjects to replace the ones that had turned to bones in the Birch Street Nursing Home basement. Mrs. Lieberman helped me carry the heavy sack down the basement stairs, but I waited until she went back upstairs before I took the test subjects out and began setting up for my new experiment.