Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, I found a note from the head nurse telling me to have the patients do some spring cleaning. Mrs. Lieberman said she didn't want cleaning to cut too much into our poker time, but even she got into the spirit of things when I handed her a big sponge and bucket. At one point in the afternoon, Mrs. Henley came into the activity room carrying two sets of handcuffs she found in one of the rooms Mr. Smith had rented for the girls. I figured the police must have left them there that night in February when they came to investigate the mysterious intruder, but when I called the station to report the items had been found, the officer told me that handcuffs used by the police are not pink and furry. Mr. Matthews offered to hold onto them until the true owners can be found.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, keep in mind that many people no longer have land lines, so saying that you're from the telephone company won't automatically give you access to their homes. Instead, say you're from the power company.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, nearly everyone has a cell phone these days, so when planning to enter someone's home, don't think that by simply cutting the land line you'll be severing all communication from the house, like in the good old days.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I had to break the bad news to Mr. Tanaka about the letter he wrote to Crystal last week. In order to get the letter to Crystal, I needed to first find Mr. Smith, but after a week of searching for him, I had come up with nothing. I even checked the hospital to see if any of Crystal's doctors were in, thinking one of them could give her the letter just as easily as Mr. Smith could. But I didn't recognize any of the men there. I felt bad handing the letter back to Mr. Tanaka, but I wasn't sure what else to do with it. Though he seemed a little disappointed, he thanked me several times for trying.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, it is a dangerous world out there, and you don't want to get caught defenseless. So be sure to test your pepper spray canister once a month so you know it works. If the person doesn't scream, you know it's time to get a fresh canister.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Tanaka was busy writing notes. I figured he was working on a new strategy, keeping track of when other players bluff. But late in the afternoon he handed me the sheet of paper and asked me if I could get it to Mr. Smith to pass on to Crystal. I know you're not supposed to read other people's letters, but I just couldn't keep from sneaking a peek. And, boy, Mr. Tanaka is such a nice man. From my one brief glance at his letter, I could see that he really misses Crystal. He asked Mr. Smith if he could drop Crystal off for an hour, and said he had the money. At first I was confused why he would mention money, but then I remembered that Crystal was seeing several doctors and must have a lot of medical bills. It is so sweet of Mr. Tanaka to offer to help. So as soon as I finished my shift at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I went out looking for Mr. Smith. I couldn't find him anywhere, and none of the people I asked seemed to know who he was. I hope I have better luck tomorrow.

Fanny Mail: A Follow-Up From Tanya Platt

Kiddies, I am still in the process of reading all your letters and emails that arrived while the Winsome Family was off the grid. Today I discovered a second email from Tanya Platt of Lawton, Oklahoma. This time Tanya writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, it's Tanya Platt again. I wanted to let you know that there was some unexpected drama at the town's annual quilting bee, which I was covering for the local newspaper. In the late hours of the competition, three-time champion Edna Grunald had a heart attack and collapsed onto the floor. So I ended up writing an obituary after all. While the event's organizers waited for the ambulance to arrive, they covered Edna with the quilt she was working on. And I think if she had managed to finish those last couple of squares she would have won a fourth time."

Well, Tanya, it sounds like your first big writing assignment was an exciting one, and it's a good thing you had those two weeks of practice writing obituaries. Keep me posted on future special assignments, Sweetie!

Fanny Mail: A New Writer On The Scene

Kiddies, I am still going through all the letters and emails that arrived while the Winsome Family was off the grid. One of the emails is from longtime fan Tanya Platt of Lawton, Oklahoma. Tanya writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just wanted to let you know that I followed your advice when applying for that writing job at the local newspaper, and told them I had two letters published on the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog. And guess what, Grandmother? I was hired! When I started, I was writing obituaries, and now after only two weeks on the job I've been handed my first special assignment, covering the town's annual quilting bee. And I owe it all to you."

Congratulations, Tanya! I wish you all the best in your new career.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

There was a little mishap today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, when Mrs. Patterson accidentally opened her umbrella at the poker table and jabbed Mr. Pearlman in the eye. He was bent down, trying to get his seeing eye dog out from under the table, and shouted out in pain. For a moment everyone was concerned, but the game quickly resumed when we realized no more damage could be done to Mr. Pearlman's eyes. When Mrs. Patterson lost the next three hands, Mrs. Lieberman reminded her it's bad luck to open an umbrella inside.

Fanny Mail: A Dog Owner's Peace Of Mind

Kiddies, I am starting to go through all the letters and emails that came in while I was off the grid. The first email I read today is from George Sullivan, a fan who is benefiting from one of my recent Tips For Better Living. George writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my beautiful dog is the most important member of my family. In the past, whenever we'd go out for a walk together, I'd get nervous that someone might try to snatch her from my hands and hold her for ransom. Then I read your wonderful tip from January 12th, suggesting that whenever a dog owner sees a suspicious person nearby to give the dog a good whack with a rolled up newspaper and shout at it that it's just no good in order to give the impression the dog won't fetch any ransom. Now I never leave the house without a newspaper when I'm walking Buttercup. There are suspicious people everywhere."

George, I'm so glad to hear that my advice is helping. And thanks for sending a photo of Buttercup! I am sharing it with my other fans.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

With grocery prices soaring, there is no better time to go on that diet, Kiddies! Save money and slim down to fit into your old bikini by summer.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today was my first day back at the Birch Street Nursing Home in almost a month. I asked Mrs. Lieberman to catch me up on all the latest news. She told me things were pretty much the same, except that Mrs. Patterson is now carrying around an umbrella to use as a weapon against thieves, and Mr. Tanaka has been in a funk since Mr. Smith stopped dropping off the girls. Mrs. Lieberman also reminded me that because Mr. Smith is no longer renting those rooms, there is no more money coming in for the poker club.

The Winsomes Are Back!

Kiddies, I am sure you are wondering why there haven't been any new Grandmother's Fanny Game posts the last few weeks. Well, I was off at a secret location working on a special project that required the help of the entire Winsome family. To make sure the authorities would be unable to track us and learn of our whereabouts, I made everyone leave all laptops and cell phones at Winsome Headquarters. I am happy to report that the trip was a total success, and I promise in the coming weeks to catch up on all the Fanny Mail that arrived while I was gone.