Edward's Message To The Children

If you're looking to make some cash this summer to spend at the ice cream truck, you'll find that a kissing booth is much more profitable than a lemonade stand.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Flowers can brighten up any room in the house. However, professional arrangements can be rather expensive. One place you can find free flowers is your local cemetery, but be sure to wait until the mourners have left.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I spent most of the time down in my basement laboratory while the patients were taking care of my list of chores. I even had some company. Mr. Pearlman's new guide dog, Sniffles The Seventh, came down and curled up at my feet. Everything was fine until mid-afternoon, when Mr. Pearlman took a tumble down the basement stairs while looking for his dog.

A Warning From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, most sports prognosticators do not confer with me before making their predictions on the outcome of a game, so do not bet too heavily based solely on their word.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Last week the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home did such a good job with the chores while I was tracking down Mrs. Lowe that I decided to assign them some of my chores this week too. This left me a good portion of the day to spend down in my basement laboratory, coming up with ideas for my next experiment.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you want to keep prying eyes away from your home activities, cover your house with one of those giant fumigation tents. It will prevent people from seeing inside, and will also keep them from wanting to get too close. But don't leave it up for longer than a week, or the authorities could become suspicious.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you are looking to dispose of ashes with small bits of bone mixed in, use that evidence to fill sandbags at crucial points in flood areas. No one will think to dismantle a levee to look for evidence and put people's homes at risk.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today there was trouble at the Birch Street Nursing Home. When I was making my rounds this morning, distributing medicine, I discovered that Mrs. Lowe was missing and all her belongings were gone. I learned from Mrs. Kunkle that Mrs. Lowe had spent the night in the activity room, and had been declaring she was going home to her son in the morning. Realizing that Mrs. Lowe couldn't have gone too far, I acted quickly. I handed Mrs. Henley the rest of the medicine to distribute to the other patients, and divided up my other chores. I recruited Mrs. Kunkle to do all the cleaning. I asked Mr. Oliveras to repair the broken handrail on the stairs. I gave everyone at least one task, except for Hazel, Mr. Matthews, and Mrs. Patterson. However, Mrs. Patterson volunteered to keep an eye out for Mrs. Shimshack in case she returned. I was about to explain to her that we were looking for Mrs. Lowe, not Mrs. Shimshack, but time was too short for a lengthy discussion. I rushed out the door and began my search. It took me nearly all day, but I finally caught up to Mrs. Lowe outside of a gas station. She told me she was having trouble finding her son's house without her glasses. I told her she had to return to the Birch Street Nursing Home, but she refused. After spending several minutes trying to change her mind, I agreed to guide her to her son's house, and a few hours later we were back at the Birch Street Nursing Home. By that time, Mrs. Lowe was so tired that she put up no fuss at being tricked and went right up to her room. The other patients were already asleep. A quick look around told me that they all did an excellent job with their assigned tasks. Even the handrail was fixed.

Spread The Word

If you are a lawyer, in your closing argument be sure to tell the jury to follow Grandmother's Fanny Game.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today I brought some sparklers to the Birch Street Nursing Home for the patients to play with. There are plenty of sparklers and other fireworks at Winsome Headquarters now, because Grandmother's large annual fireworks supply arrived, but without us having a maid to set them off. Grandmother never lets us light the fireworks ourselves, because they are too dangerous. Sparklers, on the other hand, are relatively safe, and I thought the patients would enjoy waving them around. However, none of the patients thought they could stay up late enough for it to get dark. Mr. Matthews suggested I take the patients one by one into the pantry, where it is pitch black when the door is closed. Instead, I closed the blinds in the activity room to make it as dark as possible, and lit the sparklers in there. Though it was early, a few of the patients fell asleep anyway, including Mrs. Henley, who dropped her sparkler in her lap. It burned a little hole in her robe, but did not wake her up. When I tossed a cup of water on her, she mistook me for her childhood friend Betty, saying, "Betty you stop that this instant, it's time for bed."

Recount Of My Trip To South America: Back To The Church

Kiddies, during my last day in South America, I had some time to pay my old friend another visit, and this time he showed me some of the his artistic arrangements down in the catacombs below his church.

Just watch your step on the stairs.

Recount Of My Trip To South America: Library Visit

Kiddies, while I was in South America, I visited the local library to pick up a book or two, as there hadn't been any room for books in my suitcase. But while there, I discovered this beautiful room of old tomes, and decided to do some research. They had several books written by alchemists from more than four hundred years ago. Kiddies, I think they were onto something!

Recount Of My Trip To South America: Machu Picchu Visit

Kiddies, it took a while to climb to the top of that mountain, but it was well worth it.

Recount Of My Trip To South America: Church Visit

Kiddies, I am back at Winsome Headquarters. I was off on a special trip the past couple of weeks. An associate of mine from the traveling carnival days now works as a priest in charge of a church in South America, where they have a large collection of skulls in the catacombs below. I figured no one would notice if a few more skulls were added to the bunch. I also did some sightseeing.