Fanny Mail: A Family Is Helped By Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, I received a letter from Pamela Sutton of Starkville, Mississippi. Pamela writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my son Trevor lost his eyesight several years back, but has not let that stop him from certain pursuits. Sometimes his behavior gets him into trouble with the law. However, thanks to a good Samaritan who followed my son down the street, reading aloud the legal advice from your blog, Trevor was able to avoid a lengthy prison sentence. I just wanted to thank you for keeping my boy out of prison."

Pamela, I'm delighted to help!

Spread The Word

Kiddies, rather than flying the flag of a country or a state in your yard, create a large Grandmother Winsome banner to display outside your home. Let everyone know where you true allegiance lies.

Fanny Mail: Grandmother Helps An Optometrist

Kiddies, today I received a delightful email from Sarah Danvers of Rapid City, South Dakota. Sarah writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, during my travels a few months ago, a flight attendant instructed passengers to check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog before takeoff. Intrigued, I followed her advice, and I am glad I did. I became a fan of your blog that day, and since then, many of your posts have come in handy, none more so than the one from September 11th. I work as an optometrist, and during a busy day, my young twins scribbled all over my current eye chart with their crayons. Ordinarily, I would have had to cancel the remaining appointments while I ordered a new chart. But that post about eye charts saved the day for me. I printed the one you created, and was able to continue with my scheduled appointments. And not only was I able to make up for that little time lost while printing out the chart and spanking my little ones, but I actually finished early that day."

Sweetie, I am so glad that I could be of help, and I am tickled pink that both optometrists and flight attendants are doing their part to spread the word!

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work for the World Meteorological Organization, consider naming the next Category 5 storm Hurricane Grandmother Winsome.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Make a map of the various trash pick-up days in the surrounding areas, so that you'll have a handy guide of where to unload evidence on any given day.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Learn to write with both hands. That way, should it come out during the trial that the crime was committed by someone who is left-handed, you can demonstrate that you are right-handed. Or vice versa.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work as an optometrist, instead of using the standard eye chart of miscellaneous letters, use one which says "Follow Grandmother Winsome." I've gone ahead and created it for you to print out.

Or, if you need even more lines for your especially far-sighted patients, create your own that says "Follow Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice" or "Follow Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living."

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

It is never a good idea to wear the clothing of your victim to the courtroom during your trial.

Fanny Mail: Professor Responds To College Experiment

Kiddies, over the weekend I received a letter from Professor Rachel McKinley-Buchanan, MD, PhD, of Chicago, Illinois. Rachel writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I was surprised upon reading the letter from Professor Phillip Dubois which you addressed today, August 28, 2017. While I don't question the results of my colleague's experiment, I have to admonish him for withholding from half his students advice that he knew would be helpful to them, even for the brief period of a college term. I find such behavior unethical, and obviously it had disastrous results for a portion of those students. Also, who knows what long-term effects some of the others might suffer as a result of not being allowed to follow Grandmother Winsome? Yes, of course it is important to prove things scientifically, but it has already been well established that following Grandmother Winsome's advice is beneficial, and so Professor Dubois needlessly put young people at risk."

Rachel, thank you so much for your letter. I appreciate your zeal and your passion. While I encouraged Professor Dubois to share the results with all his future students, perhaps that's not going far enough. He should publish the results in a reputable journal, so that his experiment does not ever need to be repeated anywhere in the world. No need to put others at risk, as you so eloquently stated in your delightful letter.

Fanny Mail: Saving Cats In Texas

Today I received an email marked "Urgent" from Paula Briggs of Wharton, Texas. Paula writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my husband and I have had a boon in cats this past week, as many have floated into our neighborhood. We could have used this surplus, but our basement laboratory is going to be out of commission for a while, and the hotel where we've been staying doesn't have the necessary facilities or sufficient space for our experiments. So we were wondering if you might want the cats. It seems a shame to let them go to waste."

Thank you for your generous offer, Paula, and for contacting me during what I am sure is a hectic time for you. However, the experiment I'm working on now requires live cats. That's not to say that others working in the scientific field won't have use for them. You can check around on the science-based forums online, or let the cats float on to the next town and hope that someone there will put them to good use.