Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 8: This Is A Song

Hi kiddies! I'm pleased to announce the last episode of 2011. It's something a little different that I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Grandmother Winsome's Holiday Card

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I just wanted to let you know that Episode 8 of my wonderful program will be posted here soon.

Grandmother Winsome Solves Your Holiday Troubles

I'm so pleased that folks are enjoying the special holiday episode of my wonderful program. I've been getting messages from so many nice people complimenting me on it, and on my generosity. I've also received letters from people seeking advice with regards to the holidays. So I thought I'd address a few of those concerns here. Because chances are several of you have similar questions.

Miss Marie Kingston asks, "Is it all right to ignore my ugly students when they stand under the mistletoe?"

Well, first, it's so nice to hear from a teacher, especially one who cares about making the right impression. After all, many ugly people in the world have the notion that they're just as worthy of attention as the beautiful people. But you and I know this is just not so. And it's best for children to come to terms with this at a young age. So, yes, Marie, it's quite all right to ignore the ugly students. Plus, they're more likely to carry diseases, and you don't want to risk getting sick.

Now, Edward writes, "What color Christmas lights will attract the most children to my house?"

Edward, children like lots of bright colors. So I would think plenty of greens and yellows and pinks would do the trick. Stay away from the plain white lights. And don't choose strings that are of all the same color. Children like a variety.

Sherry Boylan asks, "Should we bother wrapping our retarded child's Christmas presents?"

That's a good question. One might think that in these tough economic times, it might be best to save a bit of money by not buying wrapping paper. But that's not the case. You'll save much more money by not buying the presents themselves. Just wrap up an empty box, or an old sock. Retarded children get all caught up in the excitement of unwrapping things. It really doesn't matter what those things are. And wrapping paper is so much cheaper than the actual gifts.

I'm so glad I can be of help to you all during these festive days.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 7: A Holiday Message

Hi kiddies! I am very pleased to announce that the special holiday episode of my wonderful program is now available. I certainly hope this will inspire you to spread joy this holiday season.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 6: Mexican Maid

Hi kiddies, I'm just delighted to announce that the newest episode of my wonderful program is available for your viewing pleasure. For those of you dealing with the troubles I've had, this episode should be of great assistance.

New Episodes Coming Soon

Hello, kiddies. I wanted to let you all know that Episode 6 of my wonderful program, Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute, will be ready soon. And next weekend we will be shooting a very special holiday episode.

In the meantime, please take a look at our first five episodes...

Episode 1: Dating Service
Episode 2: Cat Storage
Episode 3: A Special Message
Episode 4: Fanny Mail #1
Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Grandmother Winsome's Tip Of The Day

Here is another tip to help save you money in this harsh economy. Rather than hire a babysitter, simply sedate your children before you go out. That way you won't have to worry about them damaging anything while you're gone.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 2: Cat Storage

Hi, Kiddies! I'm thrilled to announce that the second episode of Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute is available for your viewing pleasure.

Episode 2 Will Be Posted Soon

I'm so pleased with the footage for Episode 2 of "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute."  And I can't wait to share it with you.  In the meantime, please check out my other four episodes:

Episode 1: Dating Service
Episode 3: A Special Message
Episode 4: Fanny Mail #1
Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For The Weekend

Searching for missing children in the woods is a good way to get some exercise while also helping keep the forest clean.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 3: A Special Message

Hi, kiddies. I am so excited to share with you the newest episode of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute." This is a special and important episode, so please tell your friends about it.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Wednesday

Homeless people make cheap babysitters.  Just don't let them in your house, because they might be tempted to steal some of your valuables.  Instead, take your children out to them.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Tuesday

Having a few drinks before bed makes it easier to fall asleep.

Grandmother Winsome's Update For Saturday

A lot of folks are struggling financially these days.  But guess what costs only three dollars?  That's right, my wonderful Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting cards.  I'm hard at work on the next batch of four cards, but in the meantime the first four are still available.  Keep in touch with friends and family by sending Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting cards.

And because times are tough, here is another tip for saving money:

Make your own pillows with feathers you find on the ground.

Grandmother Winsome's Update For Friday

Hi, kiddies.  I wanted to let you know that I've looked at the footage that we shot for Episode 3 of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute," and it's quite good.  I am pleased to announce that Episode 3 will be finished soon and posted here on my blog.

Some of you might be thinking to yourselves, "Now wait a minute - I'm fairly certain that I've already watched three episodes."  Well, indeed you have.  You've watched Episodes 1, 4 and 5.  Things sometimes get a bit out of order around here, but that will soon be corrected, as we're going to finish shooting Episode 2 very soon.  And then we'll proceed in order from there, I can assure you.

In the meantime, here is a tip to help you save money in these troubled economic times:

Rather than buy your child a musical instrument, teach him how to whistle.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Better Living For Wednesday

Keep a certain area of the house off-limits to children.  That way you'll always have a place to go to relax, a place that will be quiet and clean.  It's a good idea to include your bedroom in this off-limits section, so children won't wake you in the middle of the night or early in the morning.  You might also consider including the dining room, in case you decide to invite friends to dinner.

Saturday's Tip For Better Living

Making your child donate some of his toys to the needy each month is a sure-fire way to make your child hate poor people.

Friday's Tip For Better Living

Give your old socks to the maid.  Her many children can use them as puppets.  Or they can use them as rags to help their mother with the cleaning since they're not in school.

Thursday's Tip For Better Living

To help stop the annoying accumulation of junk mail, send back any cards or envelopes that say, "No postage necessary if mailed in the United States."  The companies that sent them in the first place are forced to pay for the postage.  You can write little messages on the cards such as "Please stop sending these to everyone."  If we all do our part, we can put an end to the junk mail menace.

Wednesday's Tip For Better Living

Leaving your infant alone for several hours each day helps him build a healthy sense of independence.  You don't want him to learn to rely on you for everything.

Today's Tip For Better Living

And now it's time for one of Grandmother Winsome's tips for better living.

Putting "Lost Cat" fliers on the trees outside your house can get you sympathy from neighbors, and later they'll be less likely to call the authorities on you for your various indiscretions.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Hi, kiddies. I am pleased to share with you the newest episode of my wonderful program.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 1: Dating Service

Hi kiddies. I am delighted to be able to share with you the very first episode of my wonderful new program, Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute. I hope you enjoy it.

Family Fun

Here is a possible card idea for later. In the meantime, we still have several of the first four cards available for sale. And we are hard at work on the next batch of four cards.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 4: Fanny Mail #1

I am so pleased to announce that our fourth episode is ready for your viewing pleasure.  (Some of you might be wondering why the fourth episode is the first to be posted.)

The First Four Grandmother's Fanny Game Greeting Cards

Hi, kiddies.  Here are photos I took of the first four Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting cards.  The inside of each card is blank, so that you can write whatever delicious message you desire.  We still have some available for sale.  They are $3 each.

So You Went And Had A Baby. Now What?

Well, there are many things one must do after having a baby.  The first thing is to name it.  This is important, because the baby will keep its name until at least the age of 18.  And when you yell at it, you want it to know just who you mean. 

First decide whether to give it a boy's name or a girl's name.  How about Jack?  Or Charles?  Or Chuck?  One doesn't meet enough Chucks these days. For girls, why not choose Madeline? One can't go wrong with the name Madeline.

Next, babies require a lot of work.  One thing a new parent will notice almost immediately is that the baby cries.  Loudly.  This may require some soundproofing of the child's room, so as not to disturb any other inhabitants of the house, including the dogs.  Babies don't stick to a normal sleep schedule, and so without soundproofing, its parents could be woken as early as 5 a.m.

A baby requires clothing, especially if the parent plans on taking it out anywhere.  The problem is that babies grow rather quickly.  And any clothing purchased will soon be outgrown, necessitating the purchase of more clothing.  This can become very expensive very quickly.  You might ask yourself if your baby is worth all that expense.  Well, there are some alternatives.

The first, and best option is to see if any friends or relatives have baby clothes that their babies have already outgrown.  Perhaps they'd be willing to donate those clothes.  Ask them to wash the clothes first.  Handling someone else's clothing is rather disgusting, but having it cleaned helps at least a little.  Another option is to pin a piece of cloth around the baby.  Use safety pins to hold the cloth on.  Be sure not to stick the pin through the baby's flesh as you fasten it, for this will only cause the baby to cry and annoy everyone.  If a piece of cloth is unavailable, a plastic bag will suffice.  It's best to reduce, reuse and recycle, so use a bag from a store rather than purchasing bags.  Everyone will be pleased by the environmentally conscious baby.

Now a parent might be wondering, "Okay, I've named it and put a bag on it, but how do I make money with this thing?"  Good question.  There are many ways to make some money with a new baby.  One idea is to rent it out as a prop to film companies.  Many films have scenes with babies.  Where do those babies come from?  That's right - from parents like you.  Be sure it's a legitimate film, not a porn or a snuff film.  While a snuff film may bring a parent a lot of money, it will also eliminate the possibility of future film work for the baby, and so no further paychecks.

There are other ways to make money with your new baby.  Be creative.  And enjoy parenthood.

Welcome To Grandmother Winsome's Blog

Hi, kiddies.  This is Grandmother Winsome, and I just want to welcome you all to my blog.  As some of you are aware, I recently started my own greeting card company (with the help of a couple of boys), called Grandmother's Fanny Game Greeting Cards.  So far I've released four cards.  I have many still available for sale, for those who are interested.  (The very first card is pictured on this blog entry.)  The cards came out wonderfully, and I'm now hard at work on the next batch of cards.

I'm also very excited to announce my new program, which will be available to view here and on You Tube.  It's titled Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute, and on this show I will offer advice on a variety of topics.  There will also be lots of other treats and surprises, so stay tuned.

I hope everyone who reads this will click "Follow" because I am pleased to be able to help so many people.