Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Pearlman surprised us by saying that he wanted to join the poker game. We didn't have any braille playing cards, so Mrs. Henley offered to whisper to him which cards he had in his hand. We could all hear Mrs. Henley, and it wasn't long before Mr. Pearlman lost all his money.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, remember that if you are out on bail you should not contact any witnesses. Instead, have an associate do that for you.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

During a bathroom break in the poker game today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman read aloud to me the conditions of her bond. She laughed at all the things she's not allowed to do, including setting foot within a hundred yards of the art museum and JoAnn's Hats And Purses.

A Parenting Tip From Grandmother Winsome

For your family photos, arrange your children in the order of preference, with your favorites closest to you in the center. That way, if need be, it will be easy to crop out the others at a later date.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during a tense hand of poker at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Henley suddenly blurted out that she didn't care if the hats and purses were hot, that she appreciated the gesture. Mrs. Lieberman thanked her and said if she's able to beat the rap at her upcoming trial she will do her best to replace all the items the police confiscated.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you plan on dumping a body in the ocean, for heaven's sake, do not embalm it first! Embalming a body actually helps preserve it, and will likely keep certain fish from finding it a tasty treat.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Monday I took Mrs. Lieberman's stack of money to the jail to bail her out. But the man behind the desk wouldn't take the money. He told me I was legally too young to bail someone out of jail, and that the money had to be presented at the courthouse anyway. I was able to talk Jane into driving me yesterday after school and delivering the bail. All I had to do was tell her that there would be lots of single lawyers there. It took a while, but afterward we were able to pick up Mrs. Lieberman at the jail and drive her back to the Birch Street Nursing Home. So today, the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home was back to normal, though we still need to replace the card shuffler that the police confiscated.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If a stranger calls your name, don't react until you're certain he is not there to serve you papers.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, we received a collect call from Mrs. Lieberman in jail. The first thing she did was remind me that the call was being recorded. Then she told me she was touched by the patients' letter that I had sent. She said she was doing well, and that the food is better there than at the Birch Street Nursing Home, but that the poker game isn't as much fun. I asked her when she's coming back, and she told me it all depends on when someone might bail her out. She then told me that when I do my rounds to please fix the loose floorboard under her bed. I knew what she meant, and Monday after school I will take the money to jail to get her out.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you are running for political office, in all your speeches be sure to say that it's time this country got back to Winsome Family values.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Mrs. Lieberman is still in jail. And for the second week in a row, the poker game wasn't much fun at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Before lunch, we had given up on the game entirely. The patients wanted to spend time writing a letter for me to send to Mrs. Lieberman. I kept in the line about how they all miss her, but cut out the line about how they also miss their new hats and purses, which were confiscated by the police. The one silver lining of the whole ordeal is that Mrs. Patterson has not once mentioned the dead Mrs. Shimshack, not even when the police took her hat and purse. It's good to know that my experiment has had a lasting effect.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you are creating false documents under a British alias, remember it is not enough to simply adopt a name like Nigel or Percy. You must also use the British spelling of words, such as "organise" and "colour."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

We really missed Mrs. Lieberman today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, and we're all hoping she gets out of jail soon. I bought a new deck of cards to help keep the patients' minds occupied, but the poker game just wasn't the same without Mrs. Lieberman. And it didn't have that same excitement without real money to play with. We didn't have chips, and elbow macaroni just doesn't have the same pizzazz. Mrs. Henley suggested baking a chocolate cake with a file inside to take to Mrs. Lieberman in jail. Some of the others were gung ho about the idea, but I told them we'd better not make things worse than they already are.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, if you're programming emotions into your robot maid, then be sure to get her a little something for each of the major holidays. You don't want what happened here at Winsome Headquarters this morning to happen to you. When my robot maid saw that she was the only one not getting a Valentine's Day gift, she flew into a jealous rage and tore up everyone's cards, threw the flowers in the trash, and flushed the chocolates down the toilet.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If there is a questionable package you need to send through the mail, now is the perfect time. Slap a few Valentine's Day stickers on the box, and the postal workers will let it go. No one wants to ruin a Valentine's Day surprise.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I had trouble concentrating in school yesterday and today, and so decided to walk over to the Birch Street Nursing Home to see if Mrs. Lieberman and Mrs. Patterson were out of jail. The head nurse was surprised to see me and reminded me that I don't get paid for any unscheduled visits. I told her that was fine, and asked her about the two patients. It turns out Mrs. Patterson is back in her room upstairs, but Mrs. Lieberman is still in jail.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning, the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home was interrupted by the police pounding on the front door. As they came in, they told me they had a search warrant. The first thing they did was grab the new vase from the poker table. Then they began questioning some of the patients, who were happy to have some new people to talk to. The female officer complimented Mrs. Henley on her new hat. Mrs. Henley told the officer that Mrs. Lieberman had given all the patients beautiful hats, and purses too. Soon that female officer was on the phone, and it wasn't long before the cops were taking everyone's hats and purses. They also took the poker money, the card shuffler and even the deck of cards. Worst of all, they took Mrs. Lieberman, along with her infrared goggles, some tools and masks from her room. Mrs. Patterson refused to give up her purse and hat, and instead used them to hit one of the officers before running up the stairs to her room. I had never seen her move so quickly. The police followed her, and Mrs. Patterson must have put up a good fight because it was at least twenty minutes before the officers brought her down in handcuffs. I left a note for the head nurse saying that the police had arrested Mrs. Lieberman and Mrs. Patterson.

Spread The Word

If you are in charge of sending out those government alerts to every cell phone in an area when there is crucial information to be disseminated, use your position to let everyone know when there is a new post on the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during the poker game, the patients kept talking about that beautiful new vase, saying they'd sure like to see it again. Finally Mrs. Lieberman agreed to get it, but only if the others promised not to bang on the table in frustration if they got a bad hand. Mrs. Henley remarked that things have really improved at the Birch Street Nursing Home since they all got new hats and purses, and now a beautiful vase to look at. She then led everyone in a cheer for Mrs. Lieberman, the woman responsible for these gifts.

A Special Message From Edward

It is a stressful time for many people, and I have decided to do my part to help. My traveling massage parlor is now a safe haven for undocumented children. Don't worry, parents, the authorities will never find your adorable kids.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

It's a good idea to befriend a family of cannibals. That way, someone who can consume certain evidence for you is always just a phone call away.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a beautiful vase on the poker table. Mrs. Lieberman let me pick it up to take a closer look, but told me to be very careful with it. It had flowers in different shades of blue, with gold trim at the top. I offered to run to the store to get a bouquet to put inside, but Mrs. Lieberman told me not to bother because water might damage the vase. But we all enjoyed looking at it during the poker game. Until Mrs. Patterson was dealt a bad hand and pounded on the table, almost knocking the vase over. At that point, Mrs. Lieberman took the vase upstairs to her room, where it would be safe.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman left me in charge of the poker game for several hands while she made some important phone calls. I overheard her say something about the art museum's winter hours, and wondered if she is planning on having me take the patients on a field trip. I didn't ask her about it, because I didn't want to spoil things if it's supposed to be a surprise.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you have the good fortune of being within driving distance of the California wildfires, then you are within driving distance of hundreds of out-of-town firefighters, who are both lonely and in need of back rubs after a week of exhausting work. So get yourself dolled up, book a nice hotel room and let those firefighters know you're there.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you are eager to find a man, Florida might be the place for you. Now that the state government there has enacted its age verification law, making it difficult to access adult websites, the men are getting restless. Take advantage of this perfect opportunity. The men there will be only too happy to shell out money for an excellent dinner in order to get a little attention.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Because I was away on a road trip with Grandmother for the New Year, and was too tired to organize anything last Saturday, today I had the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home announce their New Year's resolutions. But they got confused, and kept asking if it was really New Year's Eve again. They were upset that they'd lost another year. Except for Mrs. Henley, who kept shouting "Happy New Year!" and blowing into something she thought was a noisemaker.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

While an artificial intelligence companion might seem like an exciting option in today's dating world, keep in mind that no computer-generated partner is going to buy you a nice dinner and expensive jewelry. So don't waste your time with this nonsense. It's best to go the tried-and-true route of meeting men at bars.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you are driving to a wildfire to dispose of evidence, be careful about smoke inhalation. Wear a mask, and keep your time in that area to a minimum.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I was tired walking to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, because we got back to Winsome Headquarters late last night. To celebrate the New Year, Grandmother took us on a special road trip, and we helped her dispose of all the leftover evidence from 2024. There was a lot. Edward had to hook up the trailer to Grandmother's station wagon. We had such a good time that Grandmother said this might become a new Winsome Family tradition.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home: Christmas Edition

This morning when I woke up at Winsome Headquarters, I was surprised to find the Christmas tree and all the presents were gone. When I stepped outside to walk to the Birch Street Nursing Home, I saw Grandmother was in the back yard having a talk with the robot maid, who was about to stuff the tree, ornaments and all, into our wood chipper. Grandmother was putting a stop to it. I didn't have time to find out where the presents ended up, because I was running late. But when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman told me she had a surprise gift for the entire poker club. A little before lunch, there was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Lieberman let in a professional masseur. She explained that he was there to rub our shoulders and backs while we played. No one was more excited about this than Mr. Volkov, who enjoyed himself so much that he asked for the man's business card. When I got back to Winsome Headquarters I was happy to find that the tree was inside, and all the presents were back under it. We opened gifts while we had a late dinner that the robot maid cooked for us. It was delicious. Grandmother told me that she spent much of the day reprogramming the maid so that she wouldn't again throw out trees and presents that were cluttering the living room.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Volkov had quite a day at the poker table! In fact, by early afternoon, he was having trouble closing the new wallet Mrs. Lieberman had given him last week. He joked with Mrs. Henley that if he won any more hands, he'd have to borrow her purse.

A Grandmother Winsome Christmas Tip

Kiddies, if you're old and on a fixed income, and as a result are unable to purchase gifts for your family, consider getting rid of some of your possessions. Tell your loved ones your gift to them is being less of a burden. They will be thrilled to have fewer things to throw out after you die.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, I was excited to see that Mrs. Lieberman had bought one of those mechanical card shufflers for the poker club. And there was a new wallet or purse at each spot at the table. Before the first hand was dealt, the patients spent some time looking through their purses and wallets, showing each other the various compartments. Most of them were filled with tissue paper, but Mrs. Henley pulled out several photos of children from hers and passed them around for everyone to look at. She also found a peppermint hard candy, which she ate immediately. Once we started playing, we were thrilled to find that the mechanical card shuffler worked very quickly, letting us get in several more hands than usual.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Remember, Kiddies, you can always hire a magician to make the evidence disappear.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Two weeks ago at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman handed me a pillowcase full of jewelry to sell to Manny. I walked to his house several times, but until last night there was no answer at his door. I guess he was on vacation for the holiday. He was happy to see me, especially when I opened the pillowcase. He gave me a good price for the jewelry, and today I handed the wad of money to Mrs. Lieberman. She said this was cause for a celebration, and she had several pizzas delivered to the Birch Street Nursing Home.

A Grandmother Winsome Christmas Tip

Kiddies, it can be difficult to think of enough things to say to fill up all that blank space in Christmas cards, so in large letters write, "Follow Grandmother's Fanny Game."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

The head nurse at the Birch Street Nursing Home contacted Grandmother Friday morning, telling her that she and the other nurses decided to make it a four-day holiday weekend, and she asked if I'd be willing to work not only Saturday, but Friday afternoon and Sunday too. Grandmother told her I would do it for holiday pay, so I went back to the Birch Street Nursing Home around noon on Friday and stayed there until this morning, making twenty dollars each day instead of the usual ten. It was my first time staying over at the nursing home, and I slept in the vacant room that was last used by Crystal and her friends Angel and Cinnamon. Mr. Matthews told me that room had a terrible draft, and that if I wanted to, I could stay with him in his room. I told him I packed a heavy blanket. The other patients were thrilled I was spending the weekend because it meant playing lots more poker.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home: Thanksgiving Edition

Happy Thanksgiving! As usual, the nurses at the Birch Street Nursing Home took the holiday off, so I spent the day with the patients. We went around the poker table, and each person said what he or she was thankful for. All the women agreed that they were most thankful that Mr. Volkov has joined them at the Birch Street Nursing Home. And Mr. Volkov said he was thankful that so many people were interested in hearing his stories of his years doing ballet in Russia.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, don't be led into a false sense of security by scented garbage bags. They won't mask the odor of decaying body parts enough to fool seasoned police dogs.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, the first thing I did was apologize to the patients for not being able to make it last week. I explained that we were out of state, staying with Grandmother's cousin Millie while our new robot maid was being tested. They told me not to worry, that Mr. Volkov had entertained everyone at the poker table with tales of his youth in Russia. During a break in the game today, Mrs. Lieberman pulled me aside and handed me a pillowcase full of jewelry. She told me she'd been waiting more than a week to give it to me, and asked me to see what Manny would offer for the lot.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you are visiting part of your extended family in another state, be sure to get a list of all the relatives who live in that area before you go home with someone from the local saloon.

An Exciting Announcement From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, as a safety precaution, while I was testing out a new program on the rebuilt robot maid, I had everyone clear out of Winsome Headquarters for several days. We made sure to take with us all our important electronic devices, just in case there was a repeat of last month's debacle. Edward drove us in his traveling massage parlor to my cousin Millie's home in the next state. Boy, was she surprised to see us. The last time I saw her, Jane was Cindy's age. We had a good time reminiscing about our youthful exploits, but soon it was time to get back to check on the state of Winsome Headquarters. I am delighted to report that everything is in order here. There had been no explosions, no fires, no destruction of property. The new robot maid had even fed the cats in my laboratory, which was completely unnecessary. Kiddies, I couldn't be happier!

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, all the female patients were gathered around Mr. Volkov in the activity room. He was reading to them a story from an old magazine. I started to set up the poker table, but the patients didn't seem interested in playing. When Mr. Volkov took a break to get a glass of water, Mrs. Henley told me she could listen to him talk all day.

An Important Message About Passwords

Kiddies, as you might be aware, there have been many security breaches lately, and I was able to learn from them that a common password is "GrandmotherWinsome#1." While I am flattered, I want to caution folks from using the same password that many others are using. So, try variations, such as "#1GrandmotherWinsome" and "GrandmotherWinsomeIs#1."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mrs. Kunkle and Mrs. Macmillan were already at the poker table, with a chair they'd labeled "Mr. Volkov" between them. Mrs. Henley and Mrs. Patterson were not happy when they came down and saw that. They argued that Mr. Volkov should be allowed to sit wherever he wished. Just then, Mr. Volkov stepped into the activity room, and the argument came to a sudden stop while he took his seat between Mrs. Kunkle and Mrs. Macmillan. During the poker game, the patients were more talkative than usual, asking Mr. Volkov all kinds of questions about his childhood and hobbies. The conversation stopped only when Mr. Volkov nodded off. Mrs. Lieberman urged the others to use that time for a bathroom break.

Grandmother Winsome's Birthday Message

Kiddies, I just want to thank you for all the birthday wishes and gifts. I especially want to thank Mary Miller of Stowe, Vermont for the blowtorch and maple syrup.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home I learned that the head nurse chose Mr. Volkov as the new patient to move into Mr. Tanaka's old room. Mrs. Lieberman was excited to have a fresh player at the poker table. And the other players seemed happy to have him there too. Whenever Mr. Volkov called for another card, Mrs. Henley and Mrs. Patterson moved their chairs a little closer to him. During one hand, he fell asleep at the poker table, and Mrs. Henley couldn't stop herself from taking a quick glance at his cards.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work as a flagger on a road construction crew, cover up the word "Slow" on the traffic sign you hold with the words "Follow Grandmother Winsome."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I found a note from the head nurse letting me know she's trying to fill the vacancy left after Mr. Tanaka's death. She had scheduled three potential patients to stop by today to look at the room. She also told me to write down notes for her about any special needs the patients might have. It was a shame that our poker game kept getting interrupted, but the potential patients all seemed nice. The first to stop by was Mr. Thompson, who couldn't get up into the room because he was in a wheelchair, so I had to turn him away. Next was Mrs. Langley, who needed a bit of help getting her oxygen tank up the stairs, but said the room would be perfect for her and her three cats. And the last person was Mr. Volkov, who fell asleep as soon as I got him up into the room. It took me a while to wake him, and when I did, he kept asking me who I was. I left my notes for the head nurse, and am excited to find out which patient she'll pick.

A Message From Cindy

Now that Grandmother has dismantled the latest robot maid and we can post on the blog again, I wanted to update everyone about my job at the Birch Street Nursing Home. On October 5th, Mrs. Henley got a four of a kind, and then, while she was still celebrating, got a straight flush on the very next hand. And on October 12th, Mr. Tanaka died.