Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning on my way to the Birch Street Nursing Home I stopped at the store to pick up some treats for Mr. Pearlman's new guide dog, Sniffles The Eighth. I didn't have any luck last week teaching him his new name, and thought the treats would help. We practiced all morning, and each time I stepped a little farther away from him before calling his name. He came running to me every time, wagging his tail happily while I fed him a treat. By the afternoon the bag was empty, and I was confident he knew his new name. But at the end of the day when Mr. Pearlman called him, Sniffles The Eighth didn't move. Next week I'm going to have to try something different.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

While it is true that those convicted of a felony cannot serve on a jury in most states, keep in mind that there are easier ways of getting out of jury duty.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

At the Birch Street Nursing Home today I spent most of the time training Sniffles The Eighth to recognize his new name, so that he'll respond when Mr. Pearlman calls him. No luck yet, but I'm not giving up. Also, Mr. Smith brought Angel back to the Birch Street Nursing Home today, and her doctors were pleased to see her. I was glad her doctors were able to visit because she had several new bruises on her arms and legs. She had also lost her pink wig, but I told her she looked pretty anyway.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I saw that the head nurse had left me a special note telling me to vacuum the entire building because everything was covered with dog hair. Mr. Pearlman was at the top of the stairs, calling to his new dog, Sniffles The Eighth. But the dog was busy licking up crumbs under Mrs. Henley's chair at the poker table, and did not respond. It looks like I'm going to have to spend some time training this dog to come when he hears his new name.

Fanny Mail: Good News From Philadelphia

Kiddies, today I received a delightful email from Marc Stevenson of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Marc writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just wanted to thank you for your excellent advice regarding online job interviews. Especially useful was the tip on what to do when screams come from your basement during an interview. Rather than panic and shut the computer off, I followed your advice. The interviewer found my actions so kind and thoughtful that I landed that job at the children's hospital. Thank you, Grandmother!"

You're welcome, Sweetie! I am tickled pink that I could help.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I was so excited to give Mr. Pearlman his new seeing eye dog that I headed out to the Birch Street Nursing Home nearly an hour earlier than usual this morning. I immediately brought the dog up to Mr. Pearlman's room. But when we got to his door upstairs, the dog started running around the hall, sniffing at all the other doors. It took me a few moments, but once I managed to get it inside Mr. Pearlman's room, it hopped right up on his bed and went to sleep. I told him the woman at the pound said the dog's name was Tatters, but Mr. Pearlman immediately renamed him Sniffles The Eighth.

Exciting News For Mr. Pearlman

All week I have been thinking about Mr. Pearlman and how the agency wouldn't send him a new seeing eye dog. And then today I thought of a solution. I went down to the pound to get him a dog myself. But the lady there told me I was too young to adopt a pet, even after I explained the dog was for a man in his seventies.When I got back to Winsome Headquarters, I asked Grandmother for help. She immediately set aside her experiment and we were on our way to the pound. There was only one dog there that wasn't barking, so that's the one I picked. I figured he would make a good seeing eye dog, because I remember that Mr. Pearlman's other dogs didn't bark very much. Grandmother said the dog looked old enough that he would recognize trouble when he saw it and be able to alert Mr. Pearlman. I can't wait to surprise Mr. Pearlman tomorrow morning when I arrive at the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

After last week's mishap, today at the Birch Street Nursing Home I decided to try to order a new seeing eye dog for Mr. Pearlman. However, when I called the agency, the woman on the phone told me that Mr. Pearlman had exceeded his limit, and they will not be sending any more dogs to the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. Here is one important piece of advice: If a warrant for your arrest is executed during your interview, before the authorities drag you out, quickly tell the interviewer you're willing to work nights and weekends. That might be enough to balance out the negative impression caused by seeing you taken away in cuffs.

An Important Message From Grandmother Winsome

While I understand the impulse to jump in excitement whenever you see a new post on the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog, first check the structural integrity of your building to make sure it's safe to do so.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I found Mr. Pearlman lying on the front lawn with his ankle bleeding. I asked him what happened. He asked me if Sniffles The Seventh was still there. I looked around, but didn't see any dogs. Mr. Pearlman wouldn't tell me any more, but just kept repeating that Sniffles was a bad dog. I cleaned him up as best I could and helped him up to his room. After I closed his door to let him rest, I saw Mr. Matthews in the hallway. He told me he witnessed the whole thing from his window, and invited me into his room so that he could fill me in. There was a stray dog barking out front, Mr. Matthews told me, and he pointed to the spot from his window. Soon he saw Mr. Pearlman stumble outside without his walking cane. The dog came right over to him, but when Mr. Pearlman tried to grab it by its collar and drag it inside, the dog bit him and then ran away. Mr. Matthews offered to reenact the whole thing if I would play the part of Mr. Pearlman, but I told him that wasn't necessary. Mr. Pearlman's ordeal was the talk of the poker club today. Mrs. Patterson said he just hasn't been the same since Sniffles The Seventh ran away, and wondered if it was time for him to get a new seeing eye dog.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One important tip is that if someone starts screaming in your basement during the interview, all you have to do is tell the interviewer that you're having your house painted and one of the workers just fell off a ladder. Then add that you need to take a moment to make sure the painter is okay. This will actually reflect well on you, for you'll seem to be a compassionate person. It will also give you time to reset the gag and administer a stronger dose of sedative to the offending individual.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I was worried this morning when Angel didn't show up at the Birch Street Nursing Home with Crystal and Cinnamon. So when Mr. Smith arrived at the end of the day to pick them up, I asked him if Angel was okay. He assured me she was fine, and would be back in thirty days.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word! If you are a contestant on a game show, be sure to tell the audience that you're a dedicated follower of Grandmother's Fanny Game. And then win big, Kiddies!

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you go on a game show, be sure to disguise your appearance and give the host a false name and biography. You don't want to risk the chance of the authorities catching your episode and being able to put your name and face together.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One important tip is to not use loud music to drown out the screams from your basement during the interview. Doing so would come across as unprofessional.

An Important Tip For Divers

Kiddies, when diving for pleasure or for treasure, always be sure to tuck a feather into your wet suit. That way, if you should find yourself suddenly inside a whale, you can pull out the feather and tickle the roof of its mouth, and when it sneezes you'll be free to continue your dive.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Though there was no party today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, everyone was still in a festive mood, and the energy at the poker tables was high. At least until two policemen showed up and made Mrs. Lieberman nervous. She quickly hid the cards and stuffed the money up under her sweater. But it turned out they were just two of Cinnamon's regular doctors, playing dress-up in order to cheer her up. Later we could hear them shouting at her, "Freeze, you're under arrest!"

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One thing you should do is place a copy of your resume in front of you, but just out of frame. It could come in handy if the interviewer asks you about any of the previous positions you've claimed to have held, or schools you've claimed to have attended.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One important thing to keep in mind is to not let the fact that you are at home allow you to become too comfortable with the information you share. Anecdotes about sexual conquests or time spent in prison are not appropriate during a job interview, no matter where it is conducted.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today on my way to the Birch Street Nursing Home, I stopped at the store to buy sandwiches, fruit punch, popcorn and decorations. Mrs. Lieberman had donated half of her winnings from last week's poker tournament to throw a party, and I was in charge of doing the shopping. The patients were already up and in the activity room when I arrived. While Mrs. Macmillan and I put up the decorations, Mrs. Henley offered to set up the tray of sandwiches. Mrs. Lieberman brought out the radio and cranked up the oldies. The party was so much fun, that even two of Cinnamon's regular doctors joined us for a cup of fruit punch on their way out.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One important piece of advice is to think carefully before offering your excuse for being late to the online job interview. "I lost my internet connection" is much more believable than "I had trouble finding parking."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, the poker club was already assembled and eager to start our high-stakes tournament. I put my bag down, shuffled the cards, and dealt the first hand. As soon as Mrs. Henley saw her cards, she started smiling and said that her lucky dress was already working. And it sure was! She won the first three hands, and in the process knocked Mr. Matthews out of the tournament. In fact, Mrs. Henley got so excited that she nearly forgot to distribute the day's medicine to the other patients. Both Mrs. Kunkle and Mrs. Macmillan had good hands, but they were still no match for Mrs. Lieberman, who began a winning streak, knocking them both out with four queens. Mrs. Patterson lasted a lot longer by playing it safe and not betting much. But by mid-afternoon she was out also, and Mrs. Lieberman was the winner. Mrs. Lieberman said she was donating half of her winnings to pay for a party next Saturday at the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One important piece of advice is to remember to use the bathroom before your interview. Sometimes interviews run longer than expected, and if you excuse yourself, even for just a few minutes, the interviewer might worry that you have a medical condition that could lead to a lot of paid sick time. Or, at the very least, he or she will believe that you are a person who is poor at planning.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, most companies have adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. While job interviews can be a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One thing to keep in mind is that you should never allow your children to interrupt the interview. While some people find children adorable, others do not, and you can't be sure what type of person will be interviewing you. Also, the interviewer might be less likely to hire you if he or she believes you're going to be constantly distracted. So it is best to sedate any young children in your home before the interview begins.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, one of the doctors who visited Cinnamon came wearing a big wolf costume. All his howling upstairs was loud enough to interrupt the poker game, until Mrs. Lieberman turned up the radio to drown out the sounds. At the end of the day, when Mr. Smith came back to pick up the girls, I asked him about the wolf. He said the doctor was probably just trying to make Cinnamon feel better. After he paid me for the three rooms, I told the patients that now there is enough money for a high-stakes poker tournament next Saturday. They all got excited, and Mrs. Henley said she's going to wear her lucky dress.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, before doing the wash, remember to remove all contents from your pockets, especially winning lottery tickets.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If your delivery guy is late with the packages you're expecting, don't admonish him. You don't want to risk upsetting him, for he then might not be as careful with the special equipment you've ordered, or be less willing to overlook the cries for help coming from some of the larger boxes.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, because of the pandemic, most companies adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. For many people, job interviews are a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges. But if you have an online interview scheduled, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One thing you should do is set up the computer to capture your best angle. However, if you feel your best angle is your profile, you should choose your second best.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home Mr. Smith introduced me to the new girl who will be using Mr. Shaw's old room on Saturdays until someone permanent moves in. With a third sick girl, there will be even more doctors visiting the nursing home each Saturday, which I'm sure makes the patients feel more secure and comforted. The new girl, Cinnamon, seems nice, but I hope all those piercings don't get in the way of the doctors' work. I wonder if she has a more serious illness than Crystal or Angel, because from 2 to 3 p.m. today Cinnamon had two doctors in there with her.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

For those of you who are engaged in online romances, keep in mind that if you have two dates in an evening, you should clear the empty food containers and your dirty wine glass from the area in front of the computer before the second date begins.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, because of the pandemic, most companies adopted the practice of conducting their job interviews online. For many people, job interviews are a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges. But if you have an online interview scheduled, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One thing to keep in mind is that even though you will be in the comfort of your own home, you should still dress as if you're meeting the interviewer in person. So change out of that bathrobe, and put on a little lipstick.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you wish to keep your group's activities secret from the authorities, it is best to not wrap up your victims with strings of Christmas lights. Or, if you must, do not turn the lights on.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Online Job Interviews

Kiddies, because of the pandemic, most companies looking to fill positions began conducting their interviews online. And even as the population is getting vaccinated, this continues to be the standard practice, particularly as a lot of jobs are now done remotely. For many people, job interviews are a cause of anxiety, and this new type of interview presents its own challenges. But if you have an online interview scheduled, do not worry. Grandmother Winsome is here to help. One thing you can do is place some books behind you that will be visible to the interviewer. This lets the interviewer know that you are still interested in learning. Encyclopedias are a good choice because they are large and easy to identify. If you don't have anything appropriate, simply remove the dust jackets from the books you do have so that the interviewer cannot read the titles.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I've had a great time vaccinating the young children, but I've exhausted my supply of the vaccine. Just this morning I administered my last shot to a cute little girl I found playing in her front yard. So now it's time to get back to serving ice cream and other delicious treats. I'll be taking the next couple of days to clean up the used needles from the back of my truck and stock up on all those goodies that children love.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Now that Mr. Shaw has moved out of the Birch Street Nursing Home, the head nurse asked me to change the advertisement in the classified section of the newspaper to show that there are three rooms available. Mr. Smith was the first to respond, before the ad even appeared in the paper. When he dropped Crystal and Angel off today, he overheard me on the phone placing the ad. He said he might have another girl who could use the room on Saturdays, like Crystal and Angel do now. I told him I didn't think it would be a problem, at least until we can get permanent residents for the three rooms. Mr. Smith sure is a nice man to help out all these sick girls.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

Just because the pandemic seems to be coming to an end, and more and more people are going out, do not get discouraged. There are plenty of lonely, rich men who are still nervous about going out into public, and they will be happy to continue their romances online. So to maintain those regular deliveries of food and wine, keep your dating profile active.

Grandmother Winsome Responds To A Company's Request

Kiddies, I was tickled pink today to get an email from a company that was checking references for a prospective employee. What a delight it was to find that a fan of mine had listed me as a reference. I filled out the survey, and gave him glowing marks across the board. 

I hope you get the job, Tony "Matches" De Stefano!

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today the phone rang at the Birch Street Nursing Home. It was Mr. Shaw. He called to let me know he got home all right, and thanked me again for the bus ticket. He asked to talk with Mrs. Lieberman, and they ended up chatting for more than half an hour. He also asked to talk with Crystal, but she was busy with a doctor and could not come down to take the call.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

For those of you who have been engaged in online romances, keep in mind that until you've shed the extra pounds you gained during the pandemic, you should not reveal that you've received your vaccine. One of the men who have been ordering you dinners every week might want to meet in person, and you'll need to postpone that until your weight more closely matches what you indicated on the dating site.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, if possible, it's best to avoid using your parole officer as a reference when filling out job applications.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home I found out that it was going to be Mr. Shaw's last day there. He told me the jury had come back with guilty verdicts for the bad guys in the trial he'd been following, and now it was safe for him to head home. I left Mrs. Lieberman in charge while I rushed to the bus station to buy Mr. Shaw his going-away present. There was a little money left over, which I gave to him so he could buy some snacks along the way. Apparently Mr. Shaw has some medical knowledge that I didn't know about, because right after I gave him the money, he went up to see Crystal, and was with her for nearly an hour. Mr. Shaw is going to be missed at the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Fanny Mail: A Question About Hiring

Kiddies, today I received an email from Gary Taylor of New Richmond, Ohio. Gary writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, since 1986 I've been in charge of the hiring for a large paper goods company, and I am proud to have hired a majority of women. However, lately we've been getting complaints from some of the women not chosen for positions, particularly the larger, less attractive applicants. We've even received nasty letters from the local women's groups regarding our hiring practices. Is it really time for us to remove the swimwear category from the interview process? It has been brought up in meetings more than once, but that category has been my motivation for getting up in the morning. I just can't see being excited about the workday without it."

Well, Gary, many other businesses have dropped the swimwear category from their hiring process. That means there are plenty of other job opportunities for the people you turn away. Of course, receiving complaints from them would still put a damper on your day. So have all applicants include a full body photograph of themselves with their initial application. That way, you'll have already weeded out anyone who would do poorly in that special category before the interview process even begins. That should take care of the complaints and keep your workday as enjoyable as ever.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during a break in the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I asked Mr. Shaw if there have been any updates in the trial he's been following back in his home state. He said the case was now in the hands of the jury, and he's waiting for them to give their verdict. It was then that I decided to use the rent money Mr. Smith would pay me to buy a going-away gift for Mr. Shaw. Later in the afternoon, while Mr. Shaw was in the bathroom, I asked the other players for ideas. Mrs. Henley suggested a cake pan and spatula set. Mrs. Patterson suggested a baseball bat. Mrs. Lieberman thought he would appreciate a bus ticket so he could get home. After a short discussion, we decided to go with the bus ticket.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, when tossing out items, always assume that your trash cans will be rifled through by nosy authorities or private investigators.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, in your online profile you can list your ideal weight rather than your real weight without worry of the discrepancy being noticed, as long as you don't reveal too much of your body on camera.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today Mr. Shaw told me he's planning on leaving the Birch Street Nursing Home in the next few weeks and heading home. I was surprised. None of the patients have ever really left the Birch Street Nursing Home, other than those who have died. Mr. Shaw explained that the trial he'd been following in his hometown newspaper was going to be over soon, and guilty verdicts were nearly guaranteed. He said this was great news for him because the bad guys on trial didn't like him very much anymore. If they went to prison, that meant he could return home.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, there is less danger of being slipped a date-rape drug before the end of the night.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, you can pretend to be interested in whatever hobbies excite your date without the hassle of having to engage in them.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, it's generally safer to start a new crime scene than to return to a previous crime scene.