Sunday, August 21, 2016
I've just discovered what a great game soccer is. The kids run their little hearts out, and the clock only stops at half time. By the end they are exhausted and in need of a nice cold treat from my ice cream truck. I will certainly be attending more soccer games from now on.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Kiddies, earlier this afternoon I received an email from Isis of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Isis writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I've been in the stripping business for more than three decades, and I've never had any trouble attracting customers. Now suddenly I'm not getting as much work. And the few customers I do get are lousy tippers. My friend Lexi tells me there is a new terrorist group calling itself ISIS, and that is the cause of my troubles. She suggested I change my name to avoid any association with them. I've been around a lot longer than this terrorist group, and if anyone should change names, it's them. I've put a lot of money into my career, and my name is embroidered in many of my outfits. Do you think I should change my name?"
Well, Isis, your name is quite pretty, and while I understand your not wishing to part with it, it is always handy to have at least one or two other aliases available to you. You are welcome to any of the aliases that I no longer use. Good possibilities for you include Tulip, Jasmine DeCup or Mistress Ingrid. Or, if you'd prefer to stick with mythology, you could always choose the name of another goddess. How about Athena, or Venus, or even Hera? This also gives you an opportunity to try a new look, develop a new stage persona with different outfits. And when the silly trouble in the Middle East passes, you could always go back to using Isis.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Kiddies, it was seventy-two years ago, in the summer of 1944, that more than a dozen traveling carnivals got together to hold the Carny Games. The Olympics had been canceled, due to some troubles overseas, and so it was decided this would be a good way to fill a void and cash in on an unmet demand. Also, hundreds of athletes were looking for something to do, and so many of them participated, which helped draw even larger crowds. The first weekend did such great business that we took the games on the road, performing in front of thousands of people all over the country. The carnival that I was part of fared really well, winning many events, including juggling, knife-throwing and cat-hurling. I remember that the Barker Sisters alone brought home three gold medals, and our conjoined twins won the three-legged race by more than six seconds. By the end of the summer, two of the athletes had decided to become permanent members of our carnival. We replaced our aging Strong Man with an Olympic weight lifter, and we added a young gymnast to be a second contortionist, thus giving us an unusual double-contortionist act.
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Grandmother asked me to do a drawing for Mr. Matthews at the Birch Street Nursing Home. When I told Allie about it, she offered to help me. I was surprised, because Allie never once offered to help me with my community service last summer. Here is what the two of us came up with:
Allie said I should simply put the drawing in the mail and not go to the Birch Street Nursing Home, but Grandmother had promised I would drop it off to Mr. Matthews in person.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Kiddies, I just received another letter from longtime fan Mr. Matthews of the Birch Street Nursing Home. Mr. Matthews writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I am grateful to you for having sent Cindy to me to be my Valentine this year. We had a wonderful day. However, after that, my health declined, and I've been confined to bed. The one thing that has lifted my spirits is the Christmas tree drawing Cindy made for me last December, which is taped to the wall next to my bed. But now that the weather is warmer, and my health has improved enough to have a visitor, I feel a change of decor is in order. Please send Cindy to me with a drawing more fit for the summer season."
Mr. Matthews, I would be delighted to send Cindy to you. I believe she's out with a friend, playing in their tree house. But when she gets in, I'll set her to work on a new drawing for your wall.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 1:27 PM
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
A death in the family provides a valid excuse for avoiding almost any obligation. But remember, it must be used sparingly, and you should be certain to clean up all the evidence.