Saturday, February 28, 2015
If birds wake you early in the morning with their obnoxious chirping, simply tie a cat to a branch high up in that tree. The birds will want to avoid the cat and will land in a neighbor's tree instead, allowing you to sleep as late as you wish.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
If your child's birthday falls within these cold winter months, consider throwing a skating party. Skating over a frozen pond can be a lot of fun. Just keep in mind that fat children are more likely to fall through the ice and ruin your child's skating party, so be sure to specify a weight limit when sending out the invitations.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Yesterday Allie and I got started on our magnificent tree house, and we were super busy all weekend working on it. It was more difficult than we'd expected, and Allie got a little frustrated that I was having trouble holding the nails steady while she hit them with the hammer. But we did get part of the tree house built, and we put out the welcome mat.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Last week Allie and I brought the bulletin board out to our special tree in the forest, where we plan to build an amazing tree house. Allie suggested a week-long competition to gather the materials we needed, and today after school we met at the tree to reveal our treasures. Allie had a little more luck than I did, but we both found lots of wonderful stuff that will come in handy.
Here is what Allie found:
- a welcome mat
- a window frame without the glass
- some bricks for a fireplace
- a tire which we'll use for a tire swing
- some rope
- several planks of white wood
- a coffee can full of nails
- a hammer
- electrical wire, so we can have lights and a television
- a television antenna
Here is what I found:
- a beaded curtain
- two pillows
- cat pelts to use as a blanket
- a piece of carpet
- a dreamcatcher
- a folding chair
- a bird feeder
Everything is in a neat pile at the base of the tree, and tomorrow we begin building!
Monday, February 16, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
Allie and I got the bulletin board out to our special tree, and now we're both even more excited to start building our tree house. Allie suggested we hold a contest to see which of us can find the larger amount of material for our tree house this coming week, so that next weekend we can start putting it together.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Today Allie and I went to the back of the school again during recess to look for the injured squirrel. He must be all better, because we didn't see him. What we did find was the old bulletin board from Mrs. Henderson's classroom. We both thought it would be the perfect piece for starting our tree house, so tomorrow we're going to return after school to claim it and take it out into the forest.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Kiddies, this weekend I received a letter from William Bradford of Eugene, Oregon. William writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I recently acquired an older, single-story building that is not wheelchair accessible, and I don’t wish to spend the money to make it so. My question is, what type of business would the wheelchair-bound not wish to visit, because, honestly, in addition to avoiding the extra costs, I'd prefer to keep the place upbeat. Perhaps a running shoe store?"
William, I would suggest against a shoe store.Wheelchair-bound people do actually purchase shoes. And their lawyers might threaten you with legal action if you do not install a wheelchair ramp. Of course, it wouldn’t be worth the cost of installing one, because you would get no repeat business from wheelchair-bound people, as they never wear out a pair of shoes. Instead, try selling trampolines.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Whenever attempting to pass off the murder of a family member as an accident, keep in mind that the authorities can determine the time of death fairly accurately. So if you wait to make that 911 call until after you’ve cleaned away certain evidence, they will wonder about that time lapse and look more closely into your story. So simply commit the murder during rush hour. That way, you can call the paramedics right at the time of death. The extra minutes it will take them to arrive will give you the time you need to clean up the scene, and your story will check out.
Kiddies, here is a bonus tip: While talking with the 911 operator, be sure to turn away from the phone briefly and shout, "Hang in there, honey, they're on their way!" These calls are recorded, and having that line on tape will add more credibility to your story, should the case come to trial.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Allie was curious about the basement, and kept asking to see Grandmother's ongoing experiments. Normally I would ask permission before going down there, but Grandmother was busy watching football, and Allie said it would be okay. We had a lot of fun, and Allie said she had never seen so many cats.